TULIPS AND CAPYBARAS 🌷🌷🌷

One of the most hardest topic for me is LOVE, Let's leave the part of experiencing love today, let's talk about love from my point of view. Love is something that is like forbidden fruit to me, no I'm not desperate but I can see the pattern, and writing about love is even harder, I don't know it's because I'm not feeling enough or I just don't know how to describe it, but I just cannot write a poem imagining myself in love, one reason of it can be that I always expressed my grief and sorrow with my writings, so I never learned how to express any type of happiness through it.

Right now I'm very very desperate to write something, but I cannot, I don't feel the humour, I don't feel the sadness, I don't feel the happiness, all my feelings are very flat and of annoyance, ngl I just want to beat the shit out of someone, but I cannot....

Yk I don't usually sigh, but when I don't that means I'm done, and I'm on the edge of a breakdown, I sighed just before this line. 

August 2026 was too much, emotionally, romantically, health wise, everything, idk if I'm stressed atp, my body is so used to being anxious that now I don't even know how I feel, and as I said before my feelings are always extreme, too much happiness and too much sadness. 

This wierd feelings is too much, I don't know what to feel rn, I'm bored, complainant, and I sound like a retard, yk I wanted to explain something, something beautiful that happened to me last month, but I feel so exhausted that I have no words, and it happens to me when I have soo much to say with anger and annoyance, but the reality is I just want to cry rn, cause idk how to manage these feelings, but I have no one to hold and cry, and whenever I feel like this I feel so sleepy as well, I got two escape, sleep and food, and this time I'm resorting to sleep, atleast I don't feel guilty about it and I can be numb for hours. 

Being emotionally vulnerable is one thing that I always hated, I'm strong, but look at me doing this on internet, I'm not going to share the link of this to my friends, I'll let it marinate in side, if they discover it while reading some other posts, good, if not then let it be. 

Easter egg !!!

Did you see those tulips ? Ik you are reading this, maybe, maybe not, yes all that situation is a reason of this annoyance, slowly I'm adapting to reality, trying to fill the void, as you can see it's hard and I'm also failing, but atleast I'm trying na...... I can do this. 

Nah you not the reason, these are my shortcomings, which I have to win, and I think I will just like before, I always did it alone, I can do this again, so yea don't be worried. Oh also no calls on weekends. Send me any random post on Pinterest, if I like it within a minute or two then call, if I don't then don't. Sorry wasn't able to pick up the last one.

Today I told my mother about my future plan, she focused on her pokemon over my Nth plan, I literally have plan for everything, cause according to my non existing brain, everything is easy peasy lemon squizy. 

Ughhh it's getting so so so boring, I hate it so much, I hate myself so much....

I just want to feel something, and I cannot, I think I should just sleep. Make sure to comeback, I might right something else when I'm happy. 

I wish I were a capy!

 

FUCK IT, you know what, I WISH TO GET CRACKED RN, no thoughts just an intense makeout and perfect sex. Or maybe I should just fight with someone. But who should be my target......hmmmm, rn I cannot afford a rise in blood pressure. I want some pink pastries (I had one in afternoon) so bad. I'm only 23, I just wanna be fed with cute talks, say nom nom nom with every bite and don't get fat......I really miss cute talks 😞🥺.

Imma Make myself some coffee, so I can cry easily.

Let it be,

Let it be,

Let it go, 

Forever!

Bye.