TULIPS AND CAPYBARAS 9 🌷🌷🌷

I feel so tired today, and urge to talk to someone, I can, I have people I gotta call, I'm pushing it, I feel guilty about it tho, but I also don't wanna tell them everything that happened to me in past few days or like give them follow up about my life, cause I'm just so tired to repeat it all, so I'm waiting. 

I'm tired cause I did not get enough sleep, and what I was doing? Well.....pushing it, sometimes I do stuff that push me to edge, I'm the type of person who needs atleast 6-7 hours of sleep everyday to function properly, without it, I get so annoyed, and then I when I went for the walk, I walked so much, even tho I felt blisters in both my feet but again I pushed myself. I'm little fragile when It comes to my skin, I get bruised easily, yk it, yesterday something bit me on my arms, nd it turned red, and like so big, it was looking crazy, blisters are very normal for me, no matter how comfortable footwear I'm wearing.

A lot of Times you don't wanna do something, but you push yourself, why ? Idk, it just feels right at that time. Achha do you feel any difference in the way I talk ? Since past few days ? Or like did you notice the gradual difference the way I talk ? If not then it's fine, let it be. Even idk what I'm doing, I'm trying figure out too.

When I'm cranky I hate sounds, specially if it's above certain level, I hate anything noisy, random loud sounds irritate me so so much, even if I'm not cranky, like whistle of pressure cooker, I hate it so much, I hate if someone talks very loudly, that overwhelmes me so much, like I get so disturbed by it and many other type of loud noises.

It's a kinda of mood where I can literally fight with anyone, remember you telling me that you wanna tease me and get the reaction out of me, this is the kinda mood you should never do that, cause rn I can say some really hurtful things, I can blurt out stuff that hurt me, it's my kinda high, when I get very truthful, but I will definitely regret it just after saying all of it. Am I turning into a people pleaser ? Idk. 

I don't wanna write but as I said that I felt like talking and since I got no one to say stuff like these, so I prefer writing, I'll sleep early today, yesterday got late.

I definitely hate someone rn, I can see all the evil rn, even tho if they ain't a bad person, I hate everyone rn fr, I don't want anyone in my life rn, I hate hate hate, I despise everyone, each of you. I don't wanna talk to anyone, I'm not going to talk to any of you, I know I'm  a fool, I'm never talking to anyone of you, fr. 

Or maybe I don't..... I don't know, I don't wanna say all of it, why am I acting like this 😭. I hate myself for it.

Yesterday I saw a dream, and in that there was this guy, dressed up in all black, casual, and interestingly I saw his face, which is not common, I don't know that guy, never met him, but he was cute, and I hugged him, and it felt so so real, I even told him that - YOU SO FLUFFY, life is definitely getting me lol, but it's like very rare when I see good dreams, and in that I usually touch that person and it feels so so real, yesterday I felt it. 

I posted the picture, and got so many compliments, felt nice for a while, that came out good, even I don't think I look like that, but whatever, ik few of them were just sexualising me, tho it was hot, but whatever......

My hairs are really long rn, in comparison to past few years, I like them, I don't wanna chop em of, but I feel it's needed, long hairs feel good when you are in love, tho I won't chop more than 1-2 inches. Skin is also getting better, and sleep cycle is working for dark circles.

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I think that's it for now. I miss Jungkookie 😭🥺

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Until I write again 

Till then 

Bye bye 

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Written by Anshika .