TULIPS AND CAPYBARAS 4 🌷🌷🌷(I'M THE TULIP 🌷)

 I hope you read it all.....

CATHARSIS - the process of expressing strong feeling, for example through plays or other artistic activities, as a way of getting rid of anger, reducing suffering, etc. (google)

It is a famous term in English literature when you study Aristotle in context of Greek drama, specially tragedy. When the character of high value falls down people feel CATHARSIS.

Something very similar to catharsis I felt today, well to be honest I feel this every time after a nerve wrecking mental breakdown. The thing about mental breakdown is that it won't happen just after a little discomfort, it'll happen after days of pushing things away, trying to console yourself, lying yourself and patting your back every night to sleep, you'll go through different levels of grief, from denial, annoyance, anger - and then dang a sleepless night, where I try my best to sleep, fighting all that Chaos in my mind. 

Hugging my spare pillow, putting another pillow on the back side covering myself with sheets, to feel safe, and there is no danger around me, atleast physically, but I'm still covering my chest and neck, that's where I feel the anxiety, the gut wrenching pain. 

Everything is set, I'm finally safe, but I still cannot sleep, now moving, fidgeting, getting angry, still repeating all that stuff that I'm going say, all that heartbreaking words, you decide that you going to lash out, no maybe you should take an emotional route, or maybe manipulation....ughhhh and then you don't even know when but you fall sleep.

Blooming tulips

Next day I wake up tired, pushing myself to get out of bed, I always make sure to make my bed before leaving it, I fold the my protective sheets, and then put my shield like pillows in a row, and look at myself in the mirror, I hate what I see, but ik ircan fix it, it's my face, I might hate it sometimes but I can fix it, atleast enough to be very confident in public. Yk this is the stage of sadness which you cannot explain to your best friend.

The day goes by, while to laying in your bed, lethargic, hating yourself for wasting your precious time, getting angry over something I knew that it's going to effect me, but I keep scrolling, atleast the loudness is helping me to forget all those repeating words in my mind, and then feed switch, and I see the algorithm change, all those sad posts, pointing out my mistake, with sad songs.

Prolly after 10-15 minutes of scroll I get teary eyes, and then after 5 minutes all hell breaks loose, balling my eyes I cry without making noice, even if I'm alone at home, but what's pretty? My long hairs, they are usually open when I cry, making me feel like a princess, but I want to chop all of it, there is no admiration from anyone. Yk what new habit I've picked recently? I cry while keeping my both palms on my eyes. 

But after a good cry, or I must say a mental breakdown, everything gets so peaceful, no voices in my mind anymore, I refuse to lash out, why ? Idk, I just don't want to, that's not me, I will complain, but to someone who will notice my sadness, who will ask me if I'm doing okay, someone who is willing to listen to me and console me. This is the point where I choose myself. It is hard to fill the void but it's not impossible. 

If you think that everything will be fine after this then you are wrong, it will take multiple nights of contemplation, sleeplessness, pillow hugging, maybe crying too, to get over, to suppress your feelings, it's not easy, obviously, but I know that I can do it, I mean I got no option, either I can cry for life, for things I didn't get, or I can cry for a month as much as I want and then move on.

Hey sexyyyy

But apart from all this sadness, which is clearly making me asexual, I can totally admit that if you are getting cracked twice or thrice a week you are totally fine, there is no sadness, no depression, 

WHY WE LIVING? - to get laid.

WHY WE WORKING HARD ? to get laid.

WHY WE TALK TO ANYONE? to get laid.

No matter what you do in life, everything is to GET LAID, but the only target you should have while trying to get laid is that - YOU ARE GETTING LAID WITH A PERSON YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO. SOMEONE WHO CAN HIT THE G-SPOT AND G-PAY ON THE RIGHT TIME. 

And to all the vanilla people, who like to lay there like a dead fish, get up, bring some kinks in your life, I mean all that ovulation and evolution only for you to lay down like a dead meat ? Ok ok it's fine to have it vanilla once in a while, but don't y'all get bored? Kinks doesn't always mean that I have to tie you down from celing - BTW all of it is coming from a virgin 23 year old, who is writing all of it from her small corner room, but yk the smaller the room is, the kinky the person is - no I'm not admitting anything, I'm out, all that assumptions in your mind, you dirty frog, anyways I know I'm not getting cracked anytime soon, definitely not in 2026, I'm 99.9 percent sure and for that 0.1 percent - NEVER SAY NEVER.

Rn I I have this urge of saying - मै तो मेरी फेवरेट हूं - yea yea after calling myself a retard looser, but ik whoever is getting my love, will always feel loved, I never regret getting not picked by someone, cause I know I have too much love to give and anyone who knows with me knows this very well. Never beg for love, make that person free, and let them make their decision, if it's meant to be, no one can take it away from you, this reminds me of one of my most favourite dialogue from - HOW TO LOOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS - 

"You can't lose something you never had"

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Yk what unemployment can do to a person? Well they'll post one blog in 8 months and then they post 4 in four days of 9th month. I'm closing it now.

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Did you still reading ? Aww my baby, Okay if you know me text me or call, I really wanna talk to someone, but I'll take your time cause I got too much to blabber. 

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Until I write again,

Till then

Byeeeeeee

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- written by - Dracula