HOPEFULLY, I'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME LEFT TO ENJOY THE JOURNEY!!

I think life get harder when you start to feel that, people whom you despise because of all the pain they've gave you, the people who've hurt you might also have their own pain.

I don't know when it started happening with me but now I'm not able to blame anyone for the bad days I have, except for the creepy guys, obviously. 

Does that mean that I've started to accept that I'm the reason of everything, I'm the one who is being over dramatic, and it's just hormones/phase of life, does that mean everyone who has the this feeling has accepted that they are the problem? Mmmm..... it's confusing but if everyone feels this way, then nobody's really the problem, right? I tried looking online for answers, but nothing really clicked. Then I talked to Chat Gpt, and she said something that kinda made sense.

She basically said, "Hey, it's okay to feel conflicted, especially about people who hurt you. Recognizing their feelings doesn't mean your own don't matter. It's part of sorting out your feelings and healing, but don't forget to take care of yourself."

And you know what? Now that I'm almost done with college, I feel like I'm finally becoming a real adult. I've realized that not all dreams are gonna come true, no matter how realistic they seem, how close the seem to you when you close your eyes. But accepting that might not make me happy, it might just help me cope and figure out what I really need to do, I guess I can help me to numb my morning sickness and can give me an ikigai.

Few days ago I posted a problem on reddit and I didn't expect that people are going to respond, but it got a bit of attention and eventually I found peace, but there was this one lay who replied and her words were very beautiful, like a therapist, I wanted to share some cut version of it, maybe it can comfort you guys too...

"I think, based on reading everything you wrote, that you have found yourself in a situation where you feel out of control and that you have changed from how you were, as a person.

The main reason for your situation is less sinister than you fear. We all change as we age, and sometimes it happens so quietly we don't notice. While your friends have had an impact on your development as a young adult, a lot of what you describe is a very common thing as we become adults. Both of my daughters have noticed this in college. My younger daughter, who was very much like you describe yourself, with a vibrant social life, extroverted, a great friend group, has shared that in college, things are different. She has friends, but the groups are smaller, with less of the social interaction that she had in high school. My older daughter is completing her Master's, and has noted how challenging it is as a young adult to have a similar social life now that everyone is involved in launching their careers, work, and intense study. Their peers have also talked about this with them, and when their high school friends come to visit, they all seem to say the same thing-that their social lives are very different now, than they were in high school and early college.

Additionally, we all go through phases of anxiety that can be stronger or less problematic, depending on what is happening in our lives at the time. And big changes can also bring about stress, such as graduation from university, and applying to graduate school. You are in a time of transition, and you need to acknowledge that you have a lot on your plate, and give yourself grace.

However, do not feel like being "alone" is the worst thing in the world. This is a chance for you to do introspection, and learn more about yourself. As you grow and become a mentally stronger person, you will attract the kind of friends you need for the person you are now. 

That person will be different from the person you were before, in some ways, because we all change as we age. I personally love who I was as a child, teen, young adult-all the way up to the woman I am today. I'll be 50 this year, and am excited to see how I'll continue growing for the second half of my life.

Hopefully, I'll have plenty of time left to enjoy the journey."

I know that after reading this, you might feel, 'What's new in this? This is a very generic response one can easily find anywhere.' But to be honest, sometimes it's some people who have a different kind of energy, and that energy makes them so reliable. Like in my case, I don't even know this lady, but whatever she said resonated with me a lot.

And the reason it resonated with me is also because, at that moment, I was thinking I am important to no one; this world doesn't need me. Then, I posted something on a forum, and some stranger took their time and wrote a big paragraph to make me understand that - "be hopeful, everything is going to be okay", It's a big deal for me. If a stranger can care about you so much, then I must try my best, I should try to find happiness in small things, and be grateful for whatever I have, someone said on internet - ''Be grateful for whatever you have, you are literally living someone's dream life".

- thank you so much for your precious time !!

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