IM NOT GONNA DIE FOR YOU, IM PRETTY SURE!!!

A friend of mine came to my house a few days ago and we chatted and kinda revived a 4-year-old friendship that was 50% ruined by me and my problems, yeah "it's me, yes I'm the problem it's me....."

So she told to not to date anyone right now as if I have tons of boys around me with roses, no bro, there's not even a chance of a toxic relationship around me, and next, she asked me to write what type of qualities I see in friends, like which criteria make you eligible for my friendship 🙂 as if people are dying for my friendship, huh Srishti.

So after ignoring Srishti for the next two weeks I finally decided to give it a try.

Last year I fought with lots of people cause I was on the weeds (only for the sarcastic tone, I don't have money to buy any type of drugs except whitner and iodex), and I ruined my girl next door image and ended up becoming a rude ugly girl.

But those fights and problems, make me realize how am I falling apart from the people I used to love, No I'm not cool as people normally think about me, you just cannot say anything to me just because I make jokes on myself, and how I love being in the center of attraction.

So I'm very dominating by nature, and I love to order, and I want things to go according to me, and because of that I always end up being friends with introverts, which gives me a sense of superiority as well as many moments to shine, but now I understood that being friends with these types of people is not benefiting me in anyways and only degrading my self-confidence and personality, and now I am left with an inferiority complex when others shine in front of me, I won't accept it as total jealousy but yeah I can accept that this is the path of jealousy.

By reading the above paragraph you might be thinking that what kind of person am I who thinks the above benefits in friendship, well you are not wrong, from childhood we learn that friendship should be done with a pure heart and blah blah, but as someone said and I also believe in it that "your friends are reflection of your real personality and expectations", and I'm sorry if you feel offended with it, or you disagree, but when you'll see in yourself you'll find out that you are also skeptical about what type of friends or people you need in your life, it's not like you can be friends with anyone or everyone, the problem is that in past few years, humans forgot the weight of the term friendship.

So in conclusion I can say that I love to be friends with people with certain qualities, which can benefit me in some way, benefits don't always mean money, if I will have successful, ambitious people around me, that will also motivate me, but if I'll surround myself with people with no hopes, no communication skills, then I'll end up being like them, and "it's better to cry in AC room than crying in bathroom with open tap water".

When I talk about quality, I mean being perfect in what they love, it can be academics, games, music, etc. I see these qualities, not because I feel that I'm perfect, it's because I grew up in a situation where being perfect is necessary, and it's not because my parents are bad, they expect too much from me, no there's no drama in my family, it's because I want to cross this economical class and step into a better economical situation. After all, I don't want my kids to cry over things I cried about, my parents did it and I also want to do you it and you also want to do it, you accept it or not it's totally up to you.

I don't know why but my gut feelings say that my future partner will end up being my best friend for the rest of my life, I guess it's because I have these very strong family values in my mind, and I feel that only they are the people who give me vibes of - "A freind in need is the freind in deed".

Right now I don't even know if I'll have a normal family or if I'll end up with moody kids like me and a toxic husband, I might regret writing the above paragraph later, anyways I'm gonna act like Genz in this case.

I don't know If I explained what sristi requested of me or not but I tried my best to look cool and savage 💀, now summing up everything in easy sentences - 

     

I like people with qualities and I also need some academic validation to be with someone, I don't like dumb people even though I'm the dumbest according to my jobless and Universityless brother, and I also love being the center of attraction so if you know me, just give me some attention or you'll end up losing me😎, I also have too much mood swings so you gotta deal with it, I have some boundaries don't try to cross them and lastly don't be touch me, I hate physical touches.

Now how I see myself as a friend, so inshort I'm not gonna die for you, I'm pretty sure about it, don't even expect me to agree with you when you are wrong or when you decide to sell drugs, I'm going to cut off all the contacts and will forget that I ever met you, atleast until police will come and ask me about you, All I want is to talk happily when you meet me without any grudges and I'll do same and then back to home.

Maybe in future I'll have a drastic change in thoughts when I will meet my soulmate, but that also doesn't mean that I hate my current freinds, not at all, I personally feel that a distance after a phase makes you love that person more and memories become much more sweeter. 

Thank you so much for reading it till now, it means a lot 💕

- by Anshika